Is Swinging Cheating?
Is swinging cheating? Many people have asked me this over the years, and it is a question that is regularly typed into google! It is easy to see why people might associate swinging with cheating, as we are talking about having sexual intercourse outside of your relationship. First, we have to establish what exactly cheating is and why men and women view it differently.
Cheating is the act of being deliberately deceitful behind your partners back for your gratification. Cheating can take on many different forms, such as seeking out emotional attachment with another person, spending time secretly with someone else or sending and deleting secret text messages or emails. It can also be in the form of sharing intimacies with another person, such as kissing and sex behind your partners back. Cheating isn't always physical, but one similarity found in all forms of deception is that you are behaving in a deliberately deceitful way.
Differences between men and women
When men are asked to define cheating, they tend to describe it as sex with or without an emotional connection, much in the same way they would view casual sex. Many men see cheating as a physical act that can be done without heartfelt investment.
Women, however, view cheating as an emotional affair. ( This is partly because many women struggle to separate love from sex, whereas for men the separation of the two is far more comfortable) Women associate secret texting, meeting for private coffees and sharing personal details about one another's lives all as acts of emotional cheating.
A man can have secret texts with another woman, never have sex with her, and his wife will still accuse him of cheating. Although he hasn't physically cheated, in her opinion, he has emotionally cheated by sharing with the other woman intimate, secret texts.
All couples define cheating slightly differently, and you will have your own opinions as to what constitutes cheating behaviour. If you decide to become emotionally involved with another person (other than your partner) by whatever means and break your partner's trust then for me, you have cheated. If you feel the need to delete and hide certain things from your partner and deceive them, then that to me, is dishonest behaviour.
I can't tell you what rules to follow, and I'm sure you will discuss what constitutes cheating, but an agreement must be made before you can move forward into the swinging lifestyle.
If swinging isn't cheating, what is it?
Swinging is a healthy outlet for our innermost sexual urges and desires. It is essential to acknowledge that we humans are hard-wired to procreate with one another. If you already have all the emotional attachment you desire from your chosen partner, then the urge to have sex outside if this attachment, to get that oxytocin hit we all crave merely becomes just that, a physical desire we want as humans. We cant turn it off; it is hard-wired into us. We can suppress it; and be miserable, act on it; cheat, or embrace it with our partners; swinging! Sex while swinging is to merely complement an already existing excellent sex life between an emotionally exclusive couple. A successful swinger relationship is built on honesty, understanding and exploring sexual desires and fantasies. Swinging is a safe environment for both parties to express parts of their character that is usually kept hidden.
How to avoid cheaters in swinging relationships
Some couples confuse swinging with cheating, and these people you need to avoid at all costs!
There have been times when I have questioned other swingers intentions towards me, as I have had suspicious as to the context in which I have contacted or approached. I'm always happy to discuss potential meetings or chat about sex with swinger couples via email or in a what's app chat group. However, if I suspect that I am being contacted without the other person's knowledge, this raises concern. A few times I have been texted, and sent pictures ( and we all know what type of picture I'm talking about) with a follow-up text of x doesn't know I'm contacting you. At which point I flatly refuse to engage in conversation. This isn't swinging! Its deceitful behaviour!
And deceitful behaviour in my book is called cheating!
Is swinging suitable for all relationships?
Swinging won't fix a bad relationship, and it certainly is not suitable for everyone. If your partner has cheated before and you want to make things work, offering to try swinging isn't the answer. Swinging needs to come from a place of love and trust, and turning to swinging as a last resort is not a good idea. Does this mean swingers will never cheat? No. If a person wants to cheat, sadly, they will. Swinging isn't a one size fits all answer to relationship problems, and it has to be respected on both sides for a lasting, successful partnership. For it be a useful, helpful tool in any relationship, an understanding of what swinging is and the boundaries you establish need to be addressed first. Coming to a mutual agreement about transparency and interactions with other swinger couples is one way to ensure all parties feel entirely comfortable.
Top tips for avoiding cheating situations
If having webcam sessions with other swinger couples ( a great introduction to the lifestyle) then always make sure everyone is present in the room. If you suspect that its only one person from the other couple. Turn it off.
Set up a whats-app group with other swingers, everyone should be free to chat without secrecy.
If you make an online profile on a swingers site, you both need to have access to the passwords and usernames.
You should set the username as something that is couple positive; this presents yourselves as a rock-solid couple and is equally respectful to both parties. MrandMrsKink, for example.
If you include pictures on your swingers profile, have the main profile picture as the both of you and only one or two selfie-style shots. The most attractive images on swinger sites are those of couples together.
Never decide to make swinger plans without consulting the other person first. This is very disrespectful and can be a form of coercion. Presuming they are ok to go along with it, or simply arranging it behind their back is not swinging!
I hope this post has answered your questions in regards to is swinging cheating? If you have any more questions, then please get in touch! Loves, thiskindagirl xx