First Time at a Swingers Party- What to Expect
I was sent a question recently from one of my followers on Instagram, asking my advice on first-time swinger parties. Lily, who sent me the question, stated that she wanted to feel safe while also feeling free to have a good time; two completely understandable desires! Having been a nervous first-time swinger myself, I wanted to share with you my insights and knowledge of this somewhat nerve-wracking experience so you can be a savvy, safe swinger.
What type of swinger club should I attend?
If you type 'swinger clubs near me' into google, a whole range of various swinger, fetish and kink clubs will be listed, as well as private hire dungeons, adult dating sites and swinger chat rooms.
You have established that you want to join in the lifestyle, but in what setting? Is a fetish club a great place to start? Or perhaps a private meet?
For the first time, I would recommend you attend a professionally run and well-established club. Killing Kittens and Le Boudoir Club are both two great choices, with slightly different dynamics found in each. Both are wonderfully inclusive and work hard to maintain a safe, sexy environment. My first swinger party club night was at Le Boudoir, and I loved it! If you are a single girl, then Killing Kittens might be more appealing as its firmly female-led swinging, whereas Le Boudoir is popular with couples and single girls. If you don't have access to either of these where you are based, then head to the most established and notable club in your area. Any well-run club will have lots of great information available online and be easy to contact.
Going as a couple to a swingers party
If your first time swinging experience is as part of a couple, as many of us are, then a club that specialises in couples swinging is probably best. I'm sure you will want to meet and chat with like-minded newbies for the initial first few parties, so I'd avoid things like 'greedy girls parties,' or events that are too fetish heavy. Check out the facilities and areas in the club beforehand online, if its 80% kink and BDSM, then chances are you will get a lot of enthusiasts attending, which might be a little off-putting for first-time swingers. Whereas, if its a club with lots of different areas to play in, then you will feel more comfortable if fetish is something you want to work towards gradually, as opposed to being surrounded by from the get-go. Private playrooms, orgy beds and lounges are all great areas that can be used as a gentle introduction to the swinger lifestyle. One reason I chose Le boudoir was the size and variation of what was on offer.
Attending as a single person
You can attend swinger parties as a single person; swinging isn't something exclusive to couples!
If you are a single guy, you do have to pay a premium at some clubs, and they may only allow single men to attend on certain nights. So if you want to visit, then do your research first. For single girls, the rules are quite different, and if you are attending a party hosted by Killing Kittens, then I can understand the appeal. I have met and played with single girls at regular parties and have participated at some myself. It's a brave move, and you may be surprised to learn that not all couples appreciate a single woman joining them. If you haven't any swinger experience, then I would suggest a party hosted by Killing Kittens is ideal, as other single females will surround you. If you want to attend a more generalised swingers club as a single girl, you can do. Some couples may be a little apprehensive about having you join in, as they may only be wanting to swap with a MF couple. But if you have a relaxed and approachable attitude and chat with both the man and the woman, then there's no reason why you shouldn't meet an appropriate couple have a great night.
Attending a swingers party with another woman
In her question to me, Lily also stated that she has a friend who is willing to attend a party with her, and should they participate together before they bring any guys?
First, of id like to say, it's great you have a friend you can discuss swinging with! She's a keeper! Secondly, I have met girls who have attended parties together. Sometimes they have played with one another, or joined a couple together, or at other times, have each participated in different situations independently. I can see the appeal of attending with another open-minded girl, but again, some MF couples might not be overly enthusiastic on you both joining in. Don't take it personally; it's just not their thing! Attending a party with another girl is a great idea. I think to get a great feel of the club, get used to seeing other people around you having sex, and slowly introduce yourselves with no pressure of having to 'perform.'
First-time swingers party with Sub/Dom dynamic
For your first time attending a swingers party, I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourselves to adhere to the strict dynamics of a Sub/ Dom relationship. Regardless of which way round you favour it, I would enjoy familiarising yourselves with the surroundings before introducing these dynamics into a more public setting. In the past, I have thoroughly enjoyed being submissive and attended dungeon swinger parties where they have been BDSM heavy. But this was something that I worked up towards. It took me about six months before I was confident enough to engage fully in Sub/ Dom play.
How to stay safe at your first swinger party?
Safety is of optimum importance in all swinger situations, and any reputable and responsible club will have a range of methods in place to keep you feeling safe and secure while swinging. Check out my post on how to stay safe at swinger parties for in-depth advice. Security staff and hosts are all there to make you feel relaxed and answer any questions you may have. The Hosts should always give you a guided tour of the premises and give you the guidelines to club etiquette to be followed. They will tell you what to do if a situation arises you feel uncomfortable in, and how best to use each of the play areas in the club. A great host will always take the time to answer any of your questions and be on hand throughout the night to ensure everyone remains safe and comfortable.
Don't put any pressure on yourselves.
One of the best pieces of advice I can give when discussing attending a swingers club for the first time is this; don't put any pressure on yourselves or self to perform. No one expects you to be an accomplished sexual know-it-all. You cant be sure of the of people you will meet or play with; what they will be into, or not. The best thing you can do is relax into it. Watching another couple while you have sex with one another might be your goal, or perhaps letting another watch you perform oral might be your thing. There is no right and wrong way to swing. Building up confidence and discovering your kinks is all part of the journey.
I hope you have enjoyed this post! I do love to hear from you and share my experiences.
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Much love xx